Friday, January 1, 2016

Day 1096: A New Focus

New Year's is supposed to be about new beginnings that take over from reflections of the past, and while I cannot deny that a new year has started (my calendar tells me so), at the same time, it feels more than ever like absolutely nothing has changed. The year may have ended, but ongoing projects still require my attention, fights with people I considered my friends continue to escalate, and the stress that backs it all continues to put pressure on my shoulders.

I've tried to write this blog post multiple times now, but because, truth be told, 2016 hasn't started the way I intended, I've found it more difficult than anticipated. Due to Everyday Disney falling drastically behind at the end of 2015, the frustrations and hurt that became a constant part of my life is hardly evident in my writing. Behind the scenes, on the other hand, things were drastically different.

If you follow my social media, you may already know that I have decided to take a bit of a break from Twitter and Instagram due to "personal reasons" that I did not elaborate on. However, after much deliberation about what I really want out of 2016, I also feel that showing I am human and I am hurt is just as important as the reasoning that caused this hiatus. After all, I write a daily blog and create YouTube videos, and if you follow closely enough, and it's odd for me to think about this, you may even see my face daily. That, in turn, makes it much harder for me to put on a smile that I know is fake.

This isn't to say that I haven't smiled in the past month, because I truthfully have. When my friends and I went to see Star Wars (any of the three times), I was certainly smiling, and when my friend danced with me at a concert, I had a smile on my face the whole time. But I will not lie about the fact that I have been in immense pain over the past month, more mental than physical. Out of respect for those involved, I won't go into details, but, after all, this is my blog, and the entire situations has made me think a lot about what I'm doing and where I want to go from here, especially as we begin a new year.

In 2013 I made a New Year's Resolution to blog about Disney every day that year, and I made the same resolution a year later. By 2015, I decided that just blogging wasn't enough and added on a photo challenge which, by the end of the year, became a small ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark world. But after much consideration about what I want to make my resolution for 2016, I came to the conclusion that instead of taking on something new, I'm going to focus on finding balance in my life that allows for growth in everything from Everyday Disney to the relationships I surround myself with.

What does this mean for Everyday Disney? Well, honestly, not much. In fact, things are going to stay relatively the same other than for a few minor changes over the next few months. I'm hoping to make staying up to date on blog posts a main focus (or rather, writing blog posts on the day they're supposed to be written), and there's a few adjustments I want to make on the additional pages. I'd love to also revisit some of the posts I wrote back in 2013, as a lot of time has passed since they were written, and some of them have become relevant in entirely new ways. On my YouTube channel I'm looking forward to weekly videos, if not two per week, starting at the end of January, with a few other random additions thrown in. Instagram will continue to feature Disney photos regularly, and on my other social media accounts I'm hoping to feature Everyday Disney in ways it's never been featured before.

As for addressing the hurt that's become a part of my day to day routine, I'm not entirely sure where things will lead, but I do know that I've come to the realization that I need to do what's best for my well being at this point. The experience has made absolutely everything harder, in every aspect of the word. It's caused me to loose interest in some of the things that, only weeks ago, made up my life (OUAT especially), and while, at this point, I'm usually jumping off the walls with excitement for my Disney trip, I haven't even realized I'm going because I'm instead spending so much time thinking about the situation at hand. And I've realized that I can't live like that anymore. No one should have to live like that.

So this year, my New Year's Resolution isn't to post a picture a day on Instagram or blog for all 366 days of 2016 (although I'll do those things anyway), but rather to focus on the amazing opportunities I have right now, standing right in front of me, and that includes making the decisions that will secure my emotional healthy in the coming months. Those decisions cannot be made lightly, but they also can't be made by anyone else, and I'm not about to let others tell me those decisions are wrong, because they're not their decisions to make, nor does anyone get to decide for me whether or not I'm allowed to be hurt.

Why am I telling you all this in what seems to be a pretty long, depressing first blog post of 2016? Because I've been absolutely crushed, and I'm sure that somewhere out there someone who's reading this has been hurt too. Plus, by sharing my resolution to make the decisions that will benefit me, I can't back out, and sharing even just this little bit of the situation has made me feel somewhat better. Hopefully it's the start of a path towards a happier, more magical year.

Thank you to all of my followers and here's to a while new year!

Have a magical day!

(Note: I want to make it very clear that I am in no physical danger. I'm fine, my family is fine, and as you'll find very quickly, I'll be continuing to blog regardless of my social media hiatus or other events.)